Complex Trauma and the Ghost of the Inner Child
Re-Enlivening What Was Left Behind
Some wounds don’t scream.
They whisper.
Late at night.
In the silence after a text goes unanswered.
In the hollowness you feel in a room full of people.
In the way your chest tightens when you need something—and don’t know if it’s okay to ask.
I sit with people who carry these quiet wounds.
Adults who have done so much work.
Who hold so much for others.
Who appear strong and steady on the outside—but inside, there is a younger part still waiting.
Still hoping to be met.
Still listening for a voice that never came.
Complex Trauma and the Ghost of Unmet Needs
Complex trauma doesn’t always come from what was done to us.
More often, it comes from what was missing.
It builds slowly—in homes where emotional safety was scarce, where love was conditional, where needs were met with silence or scorn.
Over time, this absence takes shape.
Not as a clear memory, but as a haunting.
A ghost in the nervous system.
You might feel it in the way you over-function to be loved.
In the panic that flares when someone pulls away.
In the urge to apologize for taking up space.
In the way your body tightens when you speak a truth.
These are not flaws.
They are echoes.
Echoes of a child who adapted in order to survive—but who never stopped longing for something more.
The Inner Child Is a Ghost… Until She’s Not
In this kind of trauma, the inner child doesn’t disappear.
She becomes a ghost.
Not because she wants to—but because she had to.
She hovers just beneath awareness.
She shows up in dreams.
In irrational fears.
In the places where your adult self feels unexplainably small.
She doesn’t want to ruin your life.
She wants to be remembered.
She is the ghost of what was exiled—the parts of you that felt too sensitive, too needy, too much.
The parts that got tucked away so you could be who the world asked you to be.
But ghosts don’t vanish when ignored.
They linger until they are tended.
And the beautiful, painful truth is: she is still alive in you, waiting for love to touch what never got to grow.
Depth Psychotherapy: Making Room for What Was Lost
Depth psychotherapy isn’t just about understanding your past.
It’s about building a relationship with what still lives in you—even if it shows up as fear, as grief, as shame.
It’s the work of welcoming back what was once pushed aside.
Of saying to your younger self, “I see you. I’m here now. You don’t have to be alone anymore.”
This is not quick work.
It is sacred work.
It asks for slowness, for spaciousness, for gentleness.
It asks us to trust that the parts of us frozen in time don’t need to be rushed—they need to be held.
Re-Enlivening the Ghost
Re-enlivening your inner child is not about becoming childish.
It’s about remembering how to feel again.
How to soften.
How to play, create, rest, cry, ask.
She begins to stir when you let her be real—when you grieve what she never had, and offer her what she always needed: presence, permission, protection, love.
You may notice her in the joy that surprises you.
In the tears that come from nowhere.
In the small, brave acts of choosing yourself.
That’s her, returning.
It may feel strange at first.
You may want to run or shut down.
But if you stay—with kindness—you’ll begin to feel something shift.
The ghost becomes a guest.
The guest becomes a guide.
Coming Home to Yourself
The ghost of your inner child is not here to hurt you.
She is here to lead you back to the parts of yourself you thought you had to leave behind.
To remind you that your longing is not a flaw.
That the ache you carry is holy.
That it is not too late to become the person you were always meant to be—the one who holds her tender self with reverence, not shame.
Whether you’re a client in therapy or someone quietly finding yourself in these words—may this be a moment of soft return.
You were not made to carry it all alone.
You were not made to forget yourself to be loved.
You were made for connection.
For slowness.
For a love that says: You still matter. You always have.
I offer psychotherapy for trauma and PTSD in Oakland and throughout California. Reach out if you’re interested in getting started.